I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. I also am an entertainment writer for VH1.com
You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (McSweeney's, The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.
Oh my god, my nerdy, wonderful and intelligent friends…back the fuck off this girl. If I had gone on a date with someone who’s whole life revolved around their fraternity and college football team—someone who now was on a professional football team—someone who also took them to a creepy one-act play about a murderer—and someone with whom I felt no sexual spark—and I told you I wish I had known from his profile that he was a professional football player because it would have made things less awkward, you would NOT fault me.
There’s nothing in this essay that suggests that she went on a second date because she wanted to mock him. She even states at the end (did you read that far?):
Maybe I’m an OKCupid asshole for calling it that way. Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past Jon’s world title. I’ll own that. But there’s a larger point here: that judging people on shallow stuff is human nature; one person’s Magic is another person’s fingernail biting, or sports obsession, or verbal tic. No online dating profile in the world is comprehensive enough to highlight every person’s peccadillo, or anticipate the inane biases that each of us lugs around. There’s no snapshot in the world that can account for our snap judgments.
So those of you who are complaining, “What a bitch, she doesn’t like Magic,” sit the fuck down. We all have our deal-breakers. For those of you saying, “This just highlights how finicky online dating has let us become,” sit the fuck down. SHE ALREADY MAKES THE SAME POINT.
I’ve read the article twice now and while I doubt I’d ever be this girl’s friend IRL, that doesn’t mean she’s a bitch. Bottom line is the World Champion of Magic couldn’t offer enough to this girl outside of being the World Champion of Magic to make her see past that one huge quirk. Dating is rough for everyone. The heart wants what the heart wants and the body doesn’t want what the body doesn’t want. Sometimes it’s not personal. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not liking card games.
I was told that I would have to vamoosh for at least an hour during lunch today. There’s an A/C unit above my desk that needed to be replaced. Fun, right? Well, it’s raining, so I couldn’t go on my usual afternoon walk. That also means that I couldn’t use my extra lunch time to go shopping or anything fun. So, I made an executive decision to suck it up financially and go to Hillstone for lunch. I could sit at the bar, have a diet coke, eat a good meal and stay out of the rain for an hour.
I really wish I had never gone to Hillstone. (Bad food and possibly sexist and racist service to follow…)