I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. My day job is blogging for VH1.com. I write about the silly things celebrities and pop stars do, so you know...God's work.
You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (McSweeney's, The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.
Life's weird, right?
It has come to my attention that I’m out of shape* and out of all my excess monies.
Here’s how I will fix this:
I will sign up for a 10k at the end of the summer. I can run a 5k hungover and still asleep and I don’t have the time to train for anything over 10k, so yeah.
I will quit drinking diet soda. Sure, there’s no calories, but there’s still, you know, cancer causing, bloat-inducing stuff in it.
I will go back to only eating bagels on weekends and I won’t buy brie cheese or potato chips to snack on at night. I will snack on fruit and pop chips and other healthy things.
I will do more freelance work and cut back on eating/drinking out.
I will foster a healthy sense of self-esteem, because even if I want to improve my life, I have to believe I am worth it to take the steps. And because if my thighs continue to get bigger, I need to own them.
If I do all this, I should prevail.
Follow me to easy summer self-improvement!
*I’ve gained probably five pounds in the last year (I don’t weigh myself), but more importantly, I can’t run as far or as fast as I used to. Strength and endurance are more important to me than my dress size. Also, my thighs are getting bigger and I will admit that does sort of bother me. So, I better do what I can to fix it and there’s a lot of stuff I could do to fix it. So, I’m going to shut up and fix it.
Two years ago today I moved to New York City.
I know for a fact that a lot of people I knew in Boston didn’t think I’d survive this long. I know this because before I left they warned me that I wouldn’t make it. They consoled me on my failure before the attempt had even begun. The other night, one of these people saw me in Boston and her first question was, “Oh did you move back or are you just here for tonight?” And then she was honestly surprised when I explained that I was just in town for a comedy festival.
In my mind, I’ve been wildly successful. I’ve had setbacks and heartbreaks, but I still pay my rent every month. I get to write and perform comedy regularly and alongside people whose talent I truly admire. Most of all, when I look back at myself a year ago, or even a few months ago, I can see that I’ve made enormous personal progress.
Two years ago I was terrified that I was making a terrible mistake leaving everything I had built for myself in Boston behind. I took an enormous risk, and I think it paid off more so than I could have hoped.
Two years really isn’t a long stretch of time, but it’s a milestone I’m personally proud of.
I better come out looking all…
If I ask for them to do my hair like Emma Stone, they aren’t going to give me her hair from The Help, are they?