I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. My day job is blogging for VH1.com. I write about the silly things celebrities and pop stars do, so you know...God's work.
You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.
I don't want to talk about anything with you except Star Trek Into Darkness.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Apparently I made an unforgivable mistake* in this article by leading with the Irish-German Michael Fassbender. I knew his parents were German and Irish, but for some reason I thought he was raised in the UK. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I killed everyone’s puppies.
*Normally I would be more contrite about this, but I posted hot pictures of Fassbender on a lady site. It’s not like I trussed him up in a Ranger jersey and sent him to the Celtics side of town (and if you don’t get that reference, but are pissed at me about this, I cannot take you seriously. Sorry.).
I was never given any formal training as a spy. What I knew about tracking, interrogation, torture and panache was all picked up from my days as a loungewear model in late 1950’s Milan. I worked for some exceptional designers. They covered my perfect mutant frame in Merino wools, Scottish tweeds and Indian cotton. They taught me the importance of posture when you want to intimidate people and which shade of oatmeal best compliments my eyes. Being a male model in 1950’s Europe was a highly competitive job. A Serbian chap once tried to strangle me before a go-see. You learn hand to hand combat in the strangest ways sometimes. The biggest thing modeling taught me about being a spy was how to sell the “idea” of being a spy. I had no affiliation to any government group, but when I entered that bar in Argentina, those Nazis believed I did because I wore my clothes so well. Yes, that was the biggest thing I got out of being a model—well, that, and an impressive knitware collection.
An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr
There wasn’t television or central heating in the mansion in those days, so on weeknights, Charles and I would play chess by the fire. Being European, I was fine with the homo-erotic undertones of those evenings, but as a self-described “sex pest”, Charles was uneasy. He really liked having sex with a lot of different women before he became a smug cripple. Anyways, I think that’s where our friendship began to deteriorate. Charles would use his telepathy to cheat at chess and I’d use my powers of magnetism to move one of the iron pokers away from the fireplace and let it hover behind Charles’s head. Yes. That’s when our friendship began to deteriorate—over chess at the mansion. Or maybe it was after I decided I wanted to kill all of the humans. These things get so fuzzy in retrospect. But back to how I used to love turtlenecks and how Charles was an absolute sex pest…
—An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr, a fictional book I just made up based upon a still from a movie based on my favorite comic book series.
Reblogging this from myself because it’s FINALLY topical.
I’m not sure what fencing has to do with the new Jane Eyre, but I am on fucking board.
Tumblr-when am I seeing this movie??
There wasn’t television or central heating in the mansion in those days, so on weeknights, Charles and I would play chess by the fire. Being European, I was fine with the homo-erotic undertones of those evenings, but as a self-described “sex pest”, Charles was uneasy. He really liked having sex with a lot of different women before he became a smug cripple. Anyways, I think that’s where our friendship began to deteriorate. Charles would use his telepathy to cheat at chess and I’d use my powers of magnetism to move one of the iron pokers away from the fireplace and let it hover behind Charles’s head. Yes. That’s when our friendship began to deteriorate—over chess at the mansion. Or maybe it was after I decided I wanted to kill all of the humans. These things get so fuzzy in retrospect. But back to how I used to love turtlenecks and how Charles was an absolute sex pest…
—An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr, a fictional book I just made up based upon a still from a movie based on my favorite comic book series.
The first image from the new X-Men: First Class movie.
Um…
