Meghan O'Keefe

I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. My day job is blogging for VH1.com. I write about the silly things celebrities and pop stars do, so you know...God's work.

You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.

I don't want to talk about anything with you except Star Trek Into Darkness.

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Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor

 

magnetox: Now, I play chess in the park. On Mondays and Thursdays I play with a ex-con man named Leroy Reynolds. He doesn’t know I know he used to be a con man. He thinks he’s still a con man conning me, but he’s not conning me. That’s why he’s an ex-con man and that’s why I always beat him. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I play with a drag queen named Madame Mad Dumb. She is fiesty. On Fridays I round robin tournament with the lads from Dalton Academy. They tell me about how rich their parents are and I pretend to be impressed. On Saturdays, I play with a bulldog named Pryce. He wears a hat very well. And on Sundays, I play alone. I mentally grasp for the pieces. They seem harder to reach now that I’m older. I keep the other seat open. There really isn’t a single opponent who can match me, so I keep the seat empty to signify that.  Of course, there was someone once who could match me, but he’s a presumed dead smug cripple now. I’m not sad though. I’m friends with a bulldog who plays chess and wears hats. --p. 1476, Vol. 8, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr The Autobiography of Magneto X is my favorite thing I have ever written. Today’s entry is meant to be the last page of it (continuity-wise, though I will continue to update) and I am so proud of it. I’m so proud of this.

magnetox:

Now, I play chess in the park. On Mondays and Thursdays I play with a ex-con man named Leroy Reynolds. He doesn’t know I know he used to be a con man. He thinks he’s still a con man conning me, but he’s not conning me. That’s why he’s an ex-con man and that’s why I always beat him. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I play with a drag queen named Madame Mad Dumb. She is fiesty. On Fridays I round robin tournament with the lads from Dalton Academy. They tell me about how rich their parents are and I pretend to be impressed. On Saturdays, I play with a bulldog named Pryce. He wears a hat very well. And on Sundays, I play alone. I mentally grasp for the pieces. They seem harder to reach now that I’m older. I keep the other seat open. There really isn’t a single opponent who can match me, so I keep the seat empty to signify that. 

Of course, there was someone once who could match me, but he’s a presumed dead smug cripple now.

I’m not sad though. I’m friends with a bulldog who plays chess and wears hats.

--p. 1476, Vol. 8, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

The Autobiography of Magneto X is my favorite thing I have ever written. Today’s entry is meant to be the last page of it (continuity-wise, though I will continue to update) and I am so proud of it. I’m so proud of this.

The Autobiography of Magneto X in Chinese

Whoa. A few months ago I got an email from a girl who wanted to translate my Magneto blog into Chinese. Looks like she did…whoa…

I was never given any formal training as a spy. What I knew about tracking, interrogation, torture and panache was all picked up from my days as a loungewear model in late 1950’s Milan. I worked for some exceptional designers. They covered my perfect mutant frame in Merino wools, Scottish tweeds and Indian cotton. They taught me the importance of posture when you want to intimidate people and which shade of oatmeal best compliments my eyes. Being a male model in 1950’s Europe was a highly competitive job. A Serbian chap once tried to strangle me before a go-see. You learn hand to hand combat in the strangest ways sometimes. The biggest thing modeling taught me about being a spy was how to sell the “idea” of being a spy. I had no affiliation to any government group, but when I entered that bar in Argentina, those Nazis believed I did because I wore my clothes so well. Yes, that was the biggest thing I got out of being a model—well, that, and an impressive knitware collection. An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

I was never given any formal training as a spy. What I knew about tracking, interrogation, torture and panache was all picked up from my days as a loungewear model in late 1950’s Milan. I worked for some exceptional designers. They covered my perfect mutant frame in Merino wools, Scottish tweeds and Indian cotton. They taught me the importance of posture when you want to intimidate people and which shade of oatmeal best compliments my eyes. Being a male model in 1950’s Europe was a highly competitive job. A Serbian chap once tried to strangle me before a go-see. You learn hand to hand combat in the strangest ways sometimes. The biggest thing modeling taught me about being a spy was how to sell the “idea” of being a spy. I had no affiliation to any government group, but when I entered that bar in Argentina, those Nazis believed I did because I wore my clothes so well. Yes, that was the biggest thing I got out of being a model—well, that, and an impressive knitware collection.

An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

megsokay: There wasn’t television or central heating in the mansion in those days, so on weeknights, Charles and I would play chess by the fire. Being European, I was fine with the homo-erotic undertones of those evenings, but as a self-described “sex pest”, Charles was uneasy. He really liked having sex with a lot of different women before he became a smug cripple. Anyways, I think that’s where our friendship began to deteriorate. Charles would use his telepathy to cheat at chess and I’d use my powers of magnetism to move one of the iron pokers away from the fireplace and let it hover behind Charles’s head. Yes. That’s when our friendship began to deteriorate—over chess at the mansion. Or maybe it was after I decided I wanted to kill all of the humans. These things get so fuzzy in retrospect. But back to how I used to love turtlenecks and how Charles was an absolute sex pest… —An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr, a fictional book I just made up based upon a still from a movie based on my favorite comic book series. Reblogging this from myself because it’s FINALLY topical.

megsokay:

There wasn’t television or central heating in the mansion in those days, so on weeknights, Charles and I would play chess by the fire. Being European, I was fine with the homo-erotic undertones of those evenings, but as a self-described “sex pest”, Charles was uneasy. He really liked having sex with a lot of different women before he became a smug cripple. Anyways, I think that’s where our friendship began to deteriorate. Charles would use his telepathy to cheat at chess and I’d use my powers of magnetism to move one of the iron pokers away from the fireplace and let it hover behind Charles’s head. Yes. That’s when our friendship began to deteriorate—over chess at the mansion. Or maybe it was after I decided I wanted to kill all of the humans. These things get so fuzzy in retrospect. But back to how I used to love turtlenecks and how Charles was an absolute sex pest…

—An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr, a fictional book I just made up based upon a still from a movie based on my favorite comic book series.

Reblogging this from myself because it’s FINALLY topical.

modhero: X-MEN:  FIRST CLASS (2 of 2) Why is this cover art having such a profoundly sexual effect on me?? Maybe I miss graphic novels and having weekly single issues I wait for..maybe I miss blowing all of my money on comic books.  Or maybe the artist just did a really classy job on Magneto’s crotch.

modhero:

X-MEN:  FIRST CLASS
(2 of 2)

Why is this cover art having such a profoundly sexual effect on me??

Maybe I miss graphic novels and having weekly single issues I wait for..maybe I miss blowing all of my money on comic books. 

Or maybe the artist just did a really classy job on Magneto’s crotch.

There wasn’t television or central heating in the mansion in those days, so on weeknights, Charles and I would play chess by the fire. Being European, I was fine with the homo-erotic undertones of those evenings, but as a self-described “sex pest”, Charles was uneasy. He really liked having sex with a lot of different women before he became a smug cripple. Anyways, I think that’s where our friendship began to deteriorate. Charles would use his telepathy to cheat at chess and I’d use my powers of magnetism to move one of the iron pokers away from the fireplace and let it hover behind Charles’s head. Yes. That’s when our friendship began to deteriorate—over chess at the mansion. Or maybe it was after I decided I wanted to kill all of the humans. These things get so fuzzy in retrospect. But back to how I used to love turtlenecks and how Charles was an absolute sex pest… —An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr, a fictional book I just made up based upon a still from a movie based on my favorite comic book series.

There wasn’t television or central heating in the mansion in those days, so on weeknights, Charles and I would play chess by the fire. Being European, I was fine with the homo-erotic undertones of those evenings, but as a self-described “sex pest”, Charles was uneasy. He really liked having sex with a lot of different women before he became a smug cripple. Anyways, I think that’s where our friendship began to deteriorate. Charles would use his telepathy to cheat at chess and I’d use my powers of magnetism to move one of the iron pokers away from the fireplace and let it hover behind Charles’s head. Yes. That’s when our friendship began to deteriorate—over chess at the mansion. Or maybe it was after I decided I wanted to kill all of the humans. These things get so fuzzy in retrospect. But back to how I used to love turtlenecks and how Charles was an absolute sex pest…

—An excerpt from The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr, a fictional book I just made up based upon a still from a movie based on my favorite comic book series.