I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. My day job is blogging for VH1.com. I write about the silly things celebrities and pop stars do, so you know...God's work.
You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.
I don't want to talk about anything with you except Star Trek Into Darkness.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
How To Be Great On A First Date | hellogiggles.com
The internet is a place where people who don’t know how to love are allowed to give dating advice.
Oh, Mom…you don’t get how this dating thing works.
I’m a smart girl who’s dumb about boys. I’m a smart girl who’s even dumber about boys when those boys are British. Also, this entire article is an excuse to publish a nebbish James McAvoy photo on HelloGiggles.
One Day centers on Dex and Emma, and essentially begins with their graduation from college, which Dex — with his tossled hair and laissez-faire sense of sexiness — believes is their first meeting. But bookish and bespectacled aspiring author Emma dutifully informs him that they have met before. Twice in fact…Dex decides to cash in on Emma’s obvious crush and promptly propositions her. The two end up back at her apartment where Emma accidentally kills the mood with one of the saddest seduction attempts caught on film, complete with a mournful musical soundtrack and her donning cap and gown over embarrassingly white and matronly underwear. It’s pathetic, and Dex quickly pulls up his pants and utters those three hope-killing words, “Let’s be friends.” However, he does spend the night cuddling with her –- and thus a long tradition of mixed signals and manipulation is born.
‘Why One Day is the Most Toxic Romance of the Year’ | Jezebel
I have not seen the film, One Day, but I tried to read the book earlier this year. I couldn’t get past the first few chapters because it felt like I was reading an idealized version of how miserable my (love) life was before I was 25. Needless to say, I have had a Dex (three of them actually, but if you put them together, you build an actual Dex), and I was very, very Emma (but American). Reading this analysis of the film is terrifying because it makes me see very clearly a pattern of behavior I was engaging in and how it would have progressed had I not realized that I deserve to be loved well. The other terrifying thing is I think a lot of my notions about romance and what was normal have been—or were—defined by this genre of literature and film, and it pains me to think that we still romanticize the idea that pining for an asshole is okay because maybe one day the asshole will grow up and realize how awesome you are.
If ever you find yourself in a one-sided love, kill it. Kill it with fire. It’s not love; it’s fantasy. I can say this because I have had to do it (more than once), and because I did it, I’ve been able find myself in healthy relationships with guys who are not assholes. The guys who were assholes are still assholes and they still don’t see how awesome I am. Most importantly, my life has been a lot happier now that I don’t cater to assholes and everyone deserves to be happy.
I don’t have a shot with him. He’s probably gay or married or doesn’t like Star Wars.
This literally ran through my mind last night while I was looking at a hot guy.
“He probably doesn’t like Star Wars” is my new psychological deal breaker. Be advised.
My Mom on Dating
Me: You should make friends, Mom! You go bowling sometimes.
My Mom: Actually, I've been having lunch with some ladies at the office and they're all single, too. Well, one of them is about to leave her husband, but I can't say anything more about that.
Me: Okay...
My Mom: We were all talking about going to this singles' place, but I don't know.
Me: Well, why not?
My Mom: I don't know. I'm just scared.
Me: What's there to be afraid of? What's going to happen to you?
My Mom: Well, it's just the last time I went to a singles' night, a man asked me if I liked it rough, and no! I did not like that. It made me feel very uncomfortable. You remember.
Me: Mom, that was like 20 years ago.
My Mom: Well, I didn't care for it.
Me: I think you're old enough now that you could put him in his place.
My Mom: I just didn't like it, okay? Besides, you should be dating more.
Me: Well...I'm...busy...with...stuff, okay?
My sister thinks I’m a cliche
My mom let it slip last night that my sister is worried about me. Specifically, she is worried that I’m spending too much time writing, performing and studying comedy and not enough time dating guys. She’s worried that my good years will pass me by and I will end up with a shriveled vagina that no man will want.
This is the same sister who told me it was her goal in life to have a baby before she turned 30, and then didn’t get it when I said my goal is to not have a baby before I’m 30. Different strokes, folks.
It’s a whole new Ann Perkins. I’m putting myself out there. Meeting some new people, having some casual fun. And it is…awkward.
Hey—has anyone else tried online dating and then realized they can’t afford the thirty bucks needed to contact people? Just me? I’m apparently too poor for modern love. I best hang out by dumpsters and hope someone without herpes stops by.
That would be AWKWARD.
I wanted to propose a date on HowAboutWe.com to see a specific comedy show tonight, but the only reason I want to see said show is to eye fuck a specific guy in the show. He’s soooo attractive to my body.
Dating is hard.
