Meghan O'Keefe

I’ve had a handful of acquaintances ask me how I got my new gig at VH1.com (that I start tomorrow!!!! ACK!!!!). It’s asked in a tone that suggests there is some secret handshake or 8 week course at NYU that will get you to a place where you write for a living. 

I just keep having to tell people the truth. It’s actually the same answer I got about 2 and a half years ago from Chiara Atik when I asked her the same question. It’s a similar answer that you hear from successful stand ups and comedy writers. 

The secret is this: WORK REALLY HARD FOR FREE FOR YEARS AND YEARS, AND BE REALLY NICE, AND THEN WHEN YOU’RE REALLY GOOD, SOMEONE WILL GIVE YOU A BREAK—AND THEN YOU HAVE TO RUN WITH IT.

If you want to be a writer, you have to write.

If you want to be a blogger for big websites, you’ve got to submit pieces that you’ve written to those big websites. 

If you want to do it for a living, you have to live your life doing it.

That’s it.

• They don’t like snark. (Unless like me you can slide it in with a hyperbole, a wink and smile).
• They don’t like anything that criticizes anyone. (Unless it’s Chris Brown, because like, hello.)
• Always be body-image positive. (The best and only beauty advice is to be confident!)
• Always be honest about your weird quirks. (“The best kind of girl is a quirky girl.”)
• They want posts to be a sizable length for readers now. (600-900 words is the online essay sweet spot.)
• Romance. Ladies love romance. (This is advice from Marcelle Karp and it explained so much to me about the “Dear Ryan Gosling”/”Benedict Cumberbatch Situation” explosions.)
• No one cares about that personal journey you went on unless it was SUPER CRAZY AND WEIRD. (This isn’t xoJane and you’re not Lena Dunham. This is also advice for The Hairpin. Less personal essays and more essays about what a particular popular thing means to you personally. I cannot stress enough how many times I’ve pitched or written about a personal life experience and NO ONE CARED. The reader cares about herself more than you. Until you have a really established voice that people show up to read exclusively stick to shared references and universal themes.)
• Use a thought-provoking headline. (Like, “Why can’t I stop dating men with foot hands?”) 
• WRITE ABOUT THE WEIRD THING YOU CAN’T STOP OBSESSING ABOUT THIS WEEK. (This has always worked. It solves writer’s block and usually hits a nerve in the Zeitgeist.)
• Use proper grammar and spelling. (Basically, know how to actually write.)

Good luck! Don’t give up! And if you don’t make it this time, it might just be that your amazing writing style isn’t right for Hello Giggles. It’s a very specific market. There are other sites to pitch for!

GOOD LUCK!!

I’ve been seeing a lot of articles and blog posts online that either advise or admonish new college students. Even though there are experiences I wish I could have avoided during my formative college years, I know that I needed to suffer through them in order to get to wherever I am today. However, if I could give my younger self these gentle, yet slightly meddling, pokes in the right direction, I think I would. 

• Try salads. No, seriously, they aren’t as icky as you think. Also, you can put cheese and nuts on them. 
• I know we’ll get into an argument about this, but Diet Coke is superior to regular Coke. Hey, now, calm down. It’s just a matter of opinion. I’m not attacking you. Which leads me to…
• No one hates you. Calm down. The universe is not out to get you.
• You’re right, no one understands you. I can say this because I don’t understand you and I was you. You’re just a weird little thing, Meghan, and that’s cool. In fact, being weird is a gift.
• One day you’ll be pretty. Or at least you’ll believe you’re pretty, which is better than actually being pretty and not knowing it.
• Keep up with the walking and do more of the running. When you feel trapped, it’s better to keep moving than to sit in your own sourness and stew.
• That guy you’re obsessing over is not worth obsessing over. No one is worth obsessing over. Know why? Because we’re all flawed human beings and you don’t need to waste your time thinking anyone’s worth all that time, energy and devotion.
• Dance like a moron even more than you already do.
• No one is going to find out that you don’t actually belong in your improv troupe. Know why? Because one day you’ll find out that you *do* belong in your improv troupe. You are actually really, really, really funny. You just need to trust yourself.  
• No matter what your sisters told you when you were four, you do not have the ugliest forehead in the history of mankind. You can totally grow out your bangs. Like, seriously, enough with the bangs, Meghan.
• You can’t control if something bad happens to you. What you can control is whether or not you decide to learn from that bad thing or if you want to become an over-dramatic flailing mess about it.
• Seriously with the salads.

Oh, fine, be that way…