I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. My day job is blogging for VH1.com. I write about the silly things celebrities and pop stars do, so you know...God's work.
You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (McSweeney's, The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.
Life's weird, right?
So, I’m staying in a hotel for the first time since
last summer in forever and this is a bizarro one.
You have to check-in using one of those machines they have at airports. You even get like a boarding pass or something. You have to use your key card to get everywhere. There are “chilled bottle water” machines on every floor. Meaning, empty water bottles you can take and fill with chilled water at your leisure. YES I WILL BE BRINGING THEM ALL HOME. The room is shaped like a Idaho. Your bed is in the big part of Idaho. Your TV pops off a wall.
There is no bath tub.
I am in Future Europe now. It’s a place located in the nexus of Philadelphia’s space-time continuum.