I live in New York. I am a comedian, writer and actor. My day job is blogging for VH1.com. I write about the silly things celebrities and pop stars do, so you know...God's work.
You may have seen my writing on many other reputable websites (McSweeney's, The Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, xojane.com, The Hairpin, Splitsider, The FW, etc.). I also write crazy blogs about Game of Thrones, Magneto and Jeff Goldblum.
Life's weird, right?
Future Daughter: Whoa. Mom. I just saw this movie called She's All That on my iGlasses.
Me: You were supposed to be watching a documentary on heroines in the middle ages. We were supposed to be discussing Eleanor of Aquitaine right now. It's in my iSchedule.
Future Daughter: Whatever. So, before the Civilian Protection Act made it illegal for you to congregate in huge public groups, like schools or churches, um...was high school really like that?
Me: No. First of all, everyone in high school was a schlubby teenager. Not a beautiful 20-something actor.
Future Daughter: Oh. Okay. Did you ever go to Prom?
Me: I went to Junior Prom.
Future Daughter: Did you all have a big dance number to Slimboy Fat?
Me: To Fatboy Slim? No. We didn't have the organization or athletic co-ordination. We were real people.
Future Daughter: What about your Senior Prom?
Me: I skipped Senior Prom to see Star Wars in the movie theater.
Future Daughter: What's Star Wars?
Me: It's...It's...a really great sci-fi fantasy epic trilogy and then three other terrible prequels to that should never have been made. It's banned now. Because it preaches active resistance.
Future Daughter: Oh. The one thing I didn't get in She's All That...why does taking off her glasses suddenly make her prettier?
Me: No one knows, child. No one knows.