Through a shuttered sliding door lay a bathroom with a sunken tub perfectly positioned for a romantic stargazing bath for two. Everything in the resort was geared for honeymoon levels of smooching romance. I quickly learned a basic but crucial lesson: never come to paradise alone.

I will go to the Seychelles with you, Benedict Cumberbatch!!!!!!!

BTW, he also makes two Jurassic Parks jokes in the piece. Like, come on! Run some Calgon in the bath and take me away, AMIRIGHTLADIEZ!?!?!?