“[Gwyneth] Paltrow, [Reese] Witherspoon and [Cameron] Diaz will play three singers who each scored a top hit song in the 1990s before watching their careers go down the drain. They decide to form a super group. [Andy] Samberg and his Lonely Island cohorts will be involved in generating music for the film, I’m told. The project came out of a dinner [Ryan] Murphy had at the Soho House with Paltrow, Diaz and Witherspoon. They wanted to do something fun together and kicked around ideas until they settled on One Hit Wonders. Murphy, who made Eat Pray Love with Sony Pictures chief Amy Pascal, took the pitch to her. Pascal bought it 10 minutes in.”—Oh, and Beyonce is in it, too.
Little, Brown has world English rights to the first novel for adults by JK Rowling, the company announced Thursday morning. Little Brown UK publisher David Shelley, Publisher will serve as Rowling’s editor and Michael Pietsch will oversee publication in the US. All other details—title, pub date…
All the Things I Should Have Said, All the Books I Should Have Read
I want to read more this year. Specifically, I want to read books I was supposed to read, but never did.
To be clear, as an insufferable goody-two-shoes, there were only a handful of books that I was officially assigned to read in school that I didn’t (*cough* Grapes of Wrath *cough*). However, there is an endless list of books that come up in conversations with my peers that I have not actually read, even though I know enough about them to discuss them. I’m starting to feel a bit like a fraud. Also, because I’m writing more now, I feel like it’d be a good idea to be reading more.
Hence this little project. I want to blog about it to keep me honest.
I’m kicking it off with The Hobbit. (I wanted to do Joan Didion’s Slouching Towards Bethlehem, but I couldn’t find it at Barnes and Noble. I could find The Hobbit.)
As someone who begrudgingly self-identified as An Edith way back in Season 1, it is REALLY important to me that she finds love.
REALLY. REALLY. IMPORTANT.
It’s really important to me that she cuts her hair in the 1920’s, moves to London via driving there on her own, starts writing a novel about making out with lame farmers and becomes a hot bright young thing. She needs a Noel Coward-esque gay bff and a string of hot lovers until she ends up marrying a Scottish adventurer.
I need her to find love, but I also need her to find herself (especially since neither Sybil nor Mary are going to be the independent women of the family).
I was having a good time with friends, drinking perhaps a little too much (as usual), and sharing perhaps a little too much (also as usual). I was complaining to a more mature friend that I was hurt by a group of people we both know personally and professionally.
"Well, what exactly do you want from them?" she asked. "Specifically?"
"I don’t know. I just want them to like me.”
As the words tumbled out of my mouth, I hated myself. The feeling swelled up in me as soon as my lip tipped back from my teeth to make the “l” sound on the word “like”. My embarrassment was that immediate because I realized how childish I was. It was like I was in middle school again and I just desperately wanted the cool girls to like me. I would try to dress like them. I would flatter them. I even brought candy to school once just so I could share it with them at lunch. Needless to say, the only time those girls even allowed me to sit with them was when I brought candy to lunch. It was an early lesson in the reality that people often won’t give you anything if you don’t first have something sweet to offer.
Those girls didn’t like me. They only liked what I had to give them.
My friend in the bar frowned. “Well, you have to go to people with something specific that you want in return. You can’t get people to like you.”
She didn’t even have to explain this to me. I understood it intellectually. I suppose my immense shame came from the realization that as an adult woman, I still don’t understand this emotionally.
Which is why I think the big struggle I’m going to have over the next few years—if not for my entire life—is to try to recognize when I’m putting too much emphasis on other people’s opinion of me and to divorce myself emotionally from that stress. It’s something that has held me back creatively. If I want to be the strongest writer and performer I can be, I have to focus on what I specifically want to say and what reaction I specifically want from my audience.
None of this namby-pamby “Do they like me?” stuff. Just power.
So were you on AMC? You never said anything! Do tell.
No! Apparently I’m not cool enough to be shown on Comic Book Men. I am relieved, though. It was still a fun experience just to be there on set and to see what actually goes down on a reality show shoot.
Do you have any videos of your stand up or improv performances you'd be willing to post?
This is probably my best stand up video to date. It’s really old though. All my recent sets haven’t come out well on video, so I haven’t posted them. Plus I’ve been developing a lot of new material during the last six months. I’ve also started doing storytelling. If you shuffle through Hello Giggles UStream account, I’m towards the end of their NYC show (between Jake Fogelnest and DC Pierson)
“You need to do the same, dear sweet arrogant beautiful crazy talented tortured rising star glowbug. That you’re so bound up about writing tells me that writing is what you’re here to do. And when people are here to do that they almost always tell us something we need to hear. I want to know what you have inside you. I want to see the contours of your second beating heart.
So write…Not like a girl. Not like a boy. Write like a motherfucker.”—
Last night I was getting wasted with Gaby and a bunch of her internet pals and one of the girls was cooing how she and a guy at the table got along so well because they were both Virgos.
"Oh, I’m a Capricorn," I offered, half-shouting, half-slurring. "We get along, too. Capricorns and Virgos are both Earth Signs."
After I said this twice, the girl leaned in and said, “Capricorn? I don’t know what that is. What are Capricorns?”
Meaning, she knew it was a Zodiac sign, but not the character attributes. So, I bit my lip and searched for the best way to describe myself and my fellow Capricorns.
"Hmmm…well, we’re really hard-working and ambitious. We’re very, um, goal oriented. Our goals are like way up here," I moved my hand up as though it was an top of an invisible pyramid, "and it takes us a while to get there, but in the end we reach our goals. Some people say we’re boring, but we’re just like, driven."
After she nodded I knew I should have just bluntly said, “Oh, basically we’re assholes.”
“And yet, I still struggle to understand why a woman of her intelligence would want to write about women at their silliest. I tell her I looked at her website, failed to find a sentence unadorned by an exclamation mark, and wondered how she could bear to channel the breathless hysteria of a teenager, gifting male critics with an excuse to dismiss her. “Do you know,” she says, smiling, “I don’t feel overlooked, cos I have a lot of readers who are loyal.”—
“My favorite place to write is pretty boring: on my couch at home or, if I’m feeling super-productive, at a desk at home. But usually I’m just on my couch. Neil Gaiman told me he writes in a gazebo with a tombstone as the step to the front door. Fucking Gaiman and his better-than-everyone-else set-up.”—
Hey guys, remember when I wrote this last year for Valentine’s Day? It’s probably one of my favorite things I’ve ever written and you can only really derive enjoyment from it this time of year. So, please read it and derive enjoyment!