I’ve just discovered that people dislike me enough to quote a really unfortunately twee passage I wrote out of context and to add that it is the “worst thing ever ever ever ever”. Whatever, you didn’t have to read it.
I feel a cold coming on, guys. There’s a scratchy stickiness in my throat and a tickle in my nose. I am trying not to panic. I have been salt-water gargling, vitamin popping, AirShield swilling and hot green tea sipping all morning. I will purchase zinc lozenges during lunch. I will squelch this nightmare.
Here are some reasons why I can’t deal with a cold right now:
I am flying to Los Angeles on Thursday night. When I fly cross country, I demand to fly in glamorous fashion. Sniffles murder one’s poise and coughing prevents a sense of international enigma.
I have a lot of writing to do this week. If I have to numb my head with cold medicine, I won’t be able to articulate why Aladdin is a film about our failure to comprehend democracy in the Middle East or edit an Obama sketch I wrote a year ago to reflect the debt crisis or punch out at least 25 decent monologue jokes for my sketch packet. Every line will just read, “I like kittens and Sudafed is my friend.” I insist on being more profesh than that.
There are multiple guys I am thinking of making out with. I don’t want their health to suffer because I have phlegm in my throat.
I am supposed to stay out late tonight to see Whiplash. I haven’t been in months and tonight is supposed to be amazing. Hannibal and Jessi Klein are confirmed and Maron is supposed to also perform. The last time I went to Whiplash with a cold, I was sick for three more weeks. I have shows and things in the next three weeks. I have things! Things need to be done!
My life is starting to spiral into awesome. Colds are not awesome.
Next week is my final Level 5 class at the PIT. I will be missing it because I will be on a plane to Los Angeles. That means that last night was my last improv class at the PIT. Sure, I might do workshops in the future, but I’ve completed all of the levels.
This is really cool for me. I’ve studied improv on and off for 9 years. I’ve taken classes at ImprovBoston, ImprovAsylum, Annoyance, UCB and Magnet. The only other program that I’ve “graduated” though was IB’s Sketch Writing program. This is the first time I’ve completed ALL of the Improv at one specific theater. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of myself. I’ve gotten great training, but more than that, I’ve been welcomed to a great community. I love how supportive the PIT is and I’m excited to continue to perform there.
Ladies, this is what happens when you wear a Marvel Superhero t-shirt out on the town
Guy at the PIT bar:Whoa. I like your shirt.
Guy:You should be careful wearing a shirt like that in public. Because...you know...guys... But it's okay. I get it, because I work at Marvel.
Me:Oh, cool. What do you do?
Guy:I'm an editor.
Me:What books do you edit?
Guy:(he looks at me like he expects this is way over my head) Uh...I edited this one book called Venom. It's called Venom. And another one that's called Thunderbolts. Thunderbolts. And Scarlet Spider. And then I edit most of the children's books. We publish these little books that are for children.
Me:Yeah...I mean, I haven't been in the loop for a while, but I've heard of all those books. It's okay. I know what you're talking about.
Guy:(mimes explaining comic books) "There's this paper and we bind it together..."
Me:My best friends in Boston work in a comic book store so I used to hang out all the time.
Guy:Which store? I've been to them all.
Guy:Yeah I know that store.
Me:Maggie and Angela* are my best friends.
And then he literally backed away slowly and faded into the night.
*Maggie and Angela are renowned for being awesome, gorgeous, confident and intimidating babes on the comic book scene. The fact they're two of my best friends can immediately up my nerd intimidation factor.
I’m really curious to see how the UCBeast does. It’s great to have a new venue in town. The bar—once up and running—should help business. I know tons of great people who are already producing shows in the venue. However, I think the reason the current UCB gets its huge crowds are in part due to the mythos of ASSSSCAT, Harold Night, Maude Night, Death By Roo-Roo and the Stepfathers. None of those shows are moving over to the new venue. I think the UCBeast is going to need a couple of breakout shows to distinguish it from not only the UCB proper, but any other alternative comedy venue on the Lower East Side. I’m excited to wait and find out what that show (or shows) will be.
"You're still young. That's your fault. There's so much you've got to go through..."
I’ve been seeing a lot of articles and blog posts online that either advise or admonish new college students. Even though there are experiences I wish I could have avoided during my formative college years, I know that I needed to suffer through them in order to get to wherever I am today. However, if I could give my younger self these gentle, yet slightly meddling, pokes in the right direction, I think I would.
Try salads. No, seriously, they aren’t as icky as you think. Also, you can put cheese and nuts on them.
I know we’ll get into an argument about this, but Diet Coke is superior to regular Coke. Hey, now, calm down. It’s just a matter of opinion. I’m not attacking you. Which leads me to…
No one hates you. Calm down. The universe is not out to get you.
You’re right, no one understands you. I can say this because I don’t understand you and I was you. You’re just a weird little thing, Meghan, and that’s cool. In fact, being weird is a gift.
One day you’ll be pretty. Or at least you’ll believe you’re pretty, which is better than actually being pretty and not knowing it.
Keep up with the walking and do more of the running. When you feel trapped, it’s better to keep moving than to sit in your own sourness and stew.
That guy you’re obsessing over is not worth obsessing over. No one is worth obsessing over. Know why? Because we’re all flawed human beings and you don’t need to waste your time thinking anyone’s worth all that time, energy and devotion.
Dance like a moron even more than you already do.
No one is going to find out that you don’t actually belong in your improv troupe. Know why? Because one day you’ll find out that you *do* belong in your improv troupe. You are actually really, really, really funny. You just need to trust yourself.
No matter what your sisters told you when you were four, you do not have the ugliest forehead in the history of mankind. You can totally grow out your bangs. Like, seriously, enough with the bangs, Meghan.
You can’t control if something bad happens to you. What you can control is whether or not you decide to learn from that bad thing or if you want to become an over-dramatic flailing mess about it.
OK pretty ladies, it’s that time of year again, in support of breast cancer awareness!! We all remember last year’s game of writing your bra color as your status?…..or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Remember last year so many people took part that it made…
I THOUGHT MY FRIEND WAS PREGNANT is the name of my very own Lifetime movie about how this bullshit made me a victim this morning.
When I was a little girl I asked my mom why anti-Semitism exists, and her response was, “Well…Jewish people work really hard and are very good with their money. In times of trouble, people blame them because they’re jealous. But that’s not fair, because they work hard. They deserve all the money they make.”
One time we were driving through a downtown neighborhood and she remarked, “You know, black people are much better at sports than we are. They also have fantastic rhythm and they respect their grandmothers because their grandmothers usually raise them. They are very respectful of their matriarchs.”
Aaaaaannnnd, last night I told my mom about Honey Badger and she said, “Oh, I bet they’d love that in Japan. They love that crazy stuff like the Whiteout and Karaoke. They are so uptight as a people that they really know how to let loose and do silly stuff. It’s a great attribute to have.”
It’s not that she doesn’t like Magic. It’s that she projected suspect motives onto him, and wrote about it on the internet (by name!) as if he were doing something wrong. She says that he “infiltrated” dates. She got no class. She is a mean girl.
I’m not saying she’s totally innocent. It’s low classy to air out relationship stuff on the internet, but a LOT of successful and intelligent and well-respected people do. Tell me how do you feel about dating blogs like How About We? How do you feel about stand ups who talk about their significant others on stage? How do you feel about Julie Klausner’s I Don’t Care About Your Band? I guess the defense in all of those cases is they don’t name names, but for this specific article there was no point in her not naming him because he was easily searchable. If I’m going to be completely honest, I don’t think she’s really all that mean to him. The only two instances I saw as her projecting anything creepy onto him were when she says, “I thought he was normal,” and the “infiltration” part. It was totally bad taste to write this article with the specific “ewww…nerd” focus she used.
but why call him out and be like “ugh this nerd” to such a wide audience? seems like she’s just being catty
So, I re-read the post a couple of times and with the introduction it’s not clear what the source is. It’s not clear if the person who posted it on Gizmodo found it (and if so, from where? A personal blog?) or if the person who posted it is the author. If it’s the author, we could just be looking at a case of, “FUUUUUUUCK…I need to write something and this is all I have.” Again, I realize I’m defending her a lot more than you guys would, but that’s because I’ve seen such bitter vitriol thrown her way. For what? She looks dumb and the guy she went out with looks like a champion—which he already is. If anything I’m reading a bunch of tweets and posts from male nerd friends of mine who are treating her like she’s an evil harpy for rejecting their king. Personally, I think the backlash just doesn’t equal what she did.
Is she being catty? Yeah…I mean…duh. She tried online dating and the nicest guy she found was a nerd king (which is a turn-off for her) and who took her to a creepy ass play. She really should have switched the focus to her frustration with online dating (which is how she starts and ends the piece) instead of “Eww…nerd.” Is everyone online lambasting her being equally catty? For the most part, yes.
I think the most amusing irony in this back-and-forth is that the actual point of the girl’s essay was how we feel free to make snap judgments about each other. If you’ve carefully read the girl’s article and want to feel like she’s the living embodiment of evil, then go for it. I read it and was honestly ambivalent. I just don’t like it when people attack other people for having an opinion they don’t agree with. (Also, I’m dealing with my own personal angst about the nerd-dating community—but that’s a much longer and perhaps more incendiary post.)
Oh my god, my nerdy, wonderful and intelligent friends…back the fuck off this girl. If I had gone on a date with someone who’s whole life revolved around their fraternity and college football team—someone who now was on a professional football team—someone who also took them to a creepy one-act play about a murderer—and someone with whom I felt no sexual spark—and I told you I wish I had known from his profile that he was a professional football player because it would have made things less awkward, you would NOT fault me.
There’s nothing in this essay that suggests that she went on a second date because she wanted to mock him. She even states at the end (did you read that far?):
Maybe I’m an OKCupid asshole for calling it that way. Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past Jon’s world title. I’ll own that. But there’s a larger point here: that judging people on shallow stuff is human nature; one person’s Magic is another person’s fingernail biting, or sports obsession, or verbal tic. No online dating profile in the world is comprehensive enough to highlight every person’s peccadillo, or anticipate the inane biases that each of us lugs around. There’s no snapshot in the world that can account for our snap judgments.
So those of you who are complaining, “What a bitch, she doesn’t like Magic,” sit the fuck down. We all have our deal-breakers. For those of you saying, “This just highlights how finicky online dating has let us become,” sit the fuck down. SHE ALREADY MAKES THE SAME POINT.
I’ve read the article twice now and while I doubt I’d ever be this girl’s friend IRL, that doesn’t mean she’s a bitch. Bottom line is the World Champion of Magic couldn’t offer enough to this girl outside of being the World Champion of Magic to make her see past that one huge quirk. Dating is rough for everyone. The heart wants what the heart wants and the body doesn’t want what the body doesn’t want. Sometimes it’s not personal. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not liking card games.
I can’t remember how much I’ve talked about it here, but I created an improv form called “Honey Badger”. It’s basically a montage and the edits use some of the sillier aspects of the Honey Badger viral video. More than that, it’s a cast of improvisers who come from different teams and backgrounds. It’s open to all and the hope is everyone gets out of their heads and has crazy fun. There’s no coach, no director, no auditions and, because of the storm, no rehearsal.
It’s sort of been my baby and I was really stressed out about it. I didn’t even know if people would show up to be in it. I was starting to get really pessimistic about it.
But something amazing happened…it was a success.
At least I’m pretty sure it was. We had a great, fun opening team called “Ladies and Gentlemen”. My good friend from ImprovBoston, Mark, came out of retirement to do tech. I had to turn friends away from being in the cast because too many people wanted to do the Honey Badger portion. And at the end of the show, we had a 15 minute open jam with anyone who wanted to play and I think we had more than 30 people on stage. Most importantly, everyone involved in the show had tons of fun. People came up to me—friends and strangers—asking when we were going to do it again. So, I better get on that. It would seem that Honey Badger was a win.