May 2011
I have my own alt room comedy show!
Every 1st and 3rd Tuesdays from 8-10pm at the Cove in Brooklyn! Starting June 21st! I’m officially one of those NYC alternative comedy assholes! Yay!
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Alan Alda is in love with Marie Curie | Huffington... →
“I’ve read everything about her I could find, studied her scientific papers, and even walked the streets in Paris from where she taught at the Sorbonne to the apartment where she had an affair with her lover — hoping to discover just how breathless she might be when she got there. One day, I was shown through her lab at the Curie Institute, where a page from her notebook...
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“And Kate is apparently big on Anne of Green Gables – good taste – and wants to...”
– LaineyGossip on the upcoming Royal Couple tour of Canada.
Um…Kate’s an Anne fan, too? Where’s Chiara? This is a “we are kindred spirits with Kate Middleton” alert.
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So alone.
I have this paranoid sensation that everyone is doing something super fun right now without me. Like, they’re either at an amazing meat eating party or they’re sipping cocktails on a roof or they’re walking through central park about to burst out into song.
PLEASE INVITE ME TOO!!! I WILL COME RUNNING!
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My job is very sexy. Obviously.
omaharharhar replied to your post: Gifts my bosses have given me
Hahahah where do you work?
I work in an upscale bordello in 1920’s Barcelona. Obviously.
No. I’m a lowly administrative assistant in a midtown financial firm. I should add that my boss only technically bought sheets for me. He gave me an Amazon gift card and I bought sheets with the money. I still can’t wait to...
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Gifts my bosses have given me
» A Bottle of Champagne
» Chocolate Covered Strawberries
» A Card with Two Twenty Dollar Bills Inside
» 1200 thread count Egyptian Cotton Sheets
What am I getting next, guys? New underwear or a mixed CD of Barry White’s Greatest Hits?
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IT'S A SHOWDOWN
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“[Nasim] Pedrad has remarkable versatility — she can play typical mothers and...”
– Splitsider
“…she can play typical mothers and girlfriends…”
Oh, thank God. I was beginning to worry that men didn’t notice how much ladies consider playing “typical mothers and girlfriends” as a real stretch for us and a true test of our versatility.
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How Bath-and-Beauty Stores Trick You Into Buying... →
I wrote this sure to be incendiary piece for The Hairpin. Don’t Let Them Touch You!
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Guess whose one woman show has a Test Drive spot...
I’m just a tiny bit proud of myself right now. Not necessarily for getting the spot, but for not giving up on “Julie Bell on Julie Bell” after Geek Week. I’m following this through and honing it and stuff. It’s like I’m serious about comedy or something.
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Remember when Simon Amstell thought me and Gaby...
No? Right. Because only Gaby and I were there for that and it was awkward.
Still less awkward than the last time I spoke in front of Simon Amstell.
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ItsWaldenBitch →
I did it. Thanks for nothing, guys.
(his official email address is hdthorizzy@gmail.com)
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"I went to the woods because I wished to live...
Can someone talk me out of creating a satirical twitter account for Henry David Thoreau called “ItsWaldenBitch” before I make the awesomest mistake of my life?
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The Key to Being Successful in New York
Friend: So you're doing really well for yourself in New York.
Me: Am I?
Friend: Yeah, people keep talking about all the stuff you've been doing.
Me: Um...I mean...I'm doing some stuff, but I guess I just haven't moved back yet? (shrug)
Friend: Exactly! You're kicking ass!
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Pro tip: If you want to start Monday morning off...
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You want to know how awesome the wedding I went to...
The stepfather of the bride was wearing a mock turtleneck and chain.
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Must be a really important meeting
Some preppy bro just got our Bolt Bus driver to pull over in Grewnwich, CT so that he doesn’t miss a work meeting and get fired. Yeah, it must be a super important meeting. That’s why you have to go to it at 7:30 pm on a Sunday night in your jeans, Busch beer baseball cap and L.L. Bean backpack.
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My bucket list
In case the Rapture does come and I am indeed left behind, I want to make the most of the time I’m stuck here before the Apocalypse comes on October 21, 2011. Here’s the stuff I haven’t done yet that I still want to do:
» Eat at Red Lobster
» Finish my historic mystery novel about a young Lord Byron solving the murders of his servants (when he may have committed the...
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“There is going to be an event so traumatic in our finale that there will...”
– Nick Offerman on the death of ‘Lil Sebastian
Gif Sauce.
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I knew I forgot something...
I always forget something when I’m packing for trips (I’m going to a wedding tomorrow). Usually it’s a toothbrush or contact lens solution or deodorant or something else you can buy in a drug store.
I forgot to pack my denim skirt. The denim skirt I was going to change into for the bus ride today and wear on Sunday. The denim skirt that I was going to wear the whole weekend...
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I didn't even know you could get splashed with...
The best part was when some delivery guy who saw it happen decided to hit on me. I guess I really won him over the way I yelled, “FUCK YOU….CAR!” as it sped far, far away.
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“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”…Don’t let your fears overwhelm...”
– Sheryl Sandberg’s Commencement Speech to Barnard
There was so much I wanted to quote from this speech, but this is what is sticking with me the most. Tonight I was afraid to do something—because I was afraid of failure—but I did it anyway. I’m beginning to realize that my...
Broadway’s ‘Annie’ announces open auditions for... →
fatgirlinohio:
Leapin’ Lizards!
Oh, how I wish I were a 6-12 year old girl who could sing right now. Who didn’t want to be in Annie? Or to be Annie, a plucky orphan whose charm gets her out of her horrible life and into the charmed life with Daddy Warbucks? No wonder they’re rebooting it now, in this economy. And I agree with EW, where is the reality show to cast Annie? Maybe because it’s kids...
