Wait…so “when a woman is intelligent and passionate and good…what? what?" tell me more about myself!!! But I agree—you can will yourself into beauty with just your thoughts. It’s called confidence and without it even Helen of Troy would have faded into the walls.
So, I’m sitting in the basement of Comix waiting to do my second open mic of the night. It just occurred to me that most people spend their nights at home and I used to be one of those people. I can’t tell you how weird it is to remember the person I was in January. I almost didn’t go to an audition for a friend’s show because I was certain I’d just embarrass myself. Now I live in New York and do stand up? So bizarre.
“A kinder colleague than I suggested that his column was the equivalent of Dustin Hoffman, in “The Graduate,” running into the church to yell, “Elaine!” I humbly submit that his wedding day appreciation is in fact the equivalent of Andrew Cohen running into the church and yelling, “Andrew!”—
I agree whole heartedly with Klausner—read it. And then read the email Andrew Cohen sent Lizzie Skurnick:
I won’t embarrass you further (than you’ve already embarrassed yourself) by responding in public to your shrewish little column. I took down the Tweet because I realized it made me appear to be like you-nasty and hostile and spoiling for a fight. That’s not me.
The first time I read your piece I was upset. The second time I read it I realized you’ve spent the last 20 years or so looking (and failing, evidently) to find someone or something in a relationship. And the third time I read it I realized why that was. To spend so much time and energy and apparent relish being so bitter and judgmental about someone you don’t know and a relationship you know nothing about: How sad for you. Me? I take comfort in the thousands of people, men and women, who took the column at face value and saw it in the better angels of our nature, who didn’t project their own failures and insecurities upon it, and who were kind and compassionate instead of… well, instead of like you.
Yes, indeedily. I got everything done yesterday that I wanted to without falling asleep.
Cosicosa came with me to Whiplash last night. It was her first time at the UCB, and I think she chose a good show to go to. First came Chris Locke who griped about his difficulties with numbers. Then Chris Gethard explained that although he’s encountered unparalleled success this year (people-you must watch Big Lake when it premieres next month), he still is a magnet for hilariously heartbreaking bad luck. Brendon Walsh covered a number of topics including resembling one of the robbers from Home Alone. UCB founder Matt Besser came next and went after the world record for how many jokes someone could tell in one minute. It was silly, silly, good fun. After that, Leo Allen asked if we would mind a surprise guest—Jim Gaffigan! He had a short set complaining how we shouldn’t judge him for eating at McDonald’s because EVERYTHING is McDonald’s. And the headliner was John Mulaney, who explained that in introducing his new girlfriend to his lady friends he has discovered that women don’t really like each other. Oh, and he also told a story about when he used to do cocaine all the time. Mulaney seems to be getting darker and more personal—I’m liking it.
That was the night! Oh, and then I made the error of choosing a cab ride home over the 7 train. There was MASSIVE traffic on the Queensboro bridge. Yucks.
I’m going to try to accomplish these things after work—so long as I don’t fall asleep first.
»Go home to Queens & change clothes
»Make and eat cheese fries
»Go to Harlem for a mic
»Go further into Harlem to help cosicosa assemble ikea furniture
»See Whiplash at the UCB tonight with cosicosa. Tonight’s line-up includes Matt Besser, John Mulaney and Chris Gethard
»Go home to Queens and fall asleep instantly*.
*Last night I went to bed at 11:30pm and couldn’t fall asleep until after 2:00am because I was thinking about jokes. Well, jokes and boys. Okay, mostly boys. You guys—imagine if you could have met all your current comedy boy tumblr crushes a good 3-5 years before they became famous enough to be tumblr crushes. That is the kind of wealth of crush material I am dealing with right now. It’s insane.
Today I received a message that I need to provide a photo/headshot for a promotional flier. Exciting, right? No.
I don’t have a headshot. Let me rephrase that. I don’t have a headshot that I really like. I also don’t have a photo in which I look pretty. Let me rephrase that, too. I actually have a ton of those. However they are all from insane costume parties or were taken with a shoddy camera and therefore don’t make me look like a reputable performer. *sigh* And now I will proceed to beg my friends with nice cameras to do me a favor…
Aug 18 - Laugh Lounge, 9pm - I’m doing the stand up comedy
And various open mics around town. Tomorrow I’m at the late show at Ochi’s Motel again (Comix, 9pm). I’m likely doing the two Legion bar mics on Saturday. Bring It! tonight per usual. Fun stuff. You should come if you’re in NYC, know me and have ever remarked, “Ooo! I’d love to see you do comedy.”* Hopefully I’ll have more to report soon.
Sean O’Connor, a comic I know from the open mic scene, had a really strong opening set. It was cool to see how a few jokes I’ve seen him test at mics translated with a real audience. I thought he killed. Next came Dave Hill. He started well, but I think had difficulty keeping the audience’s attention. He had a very understated kind of delivery. I think the highlight of his set was a 30 second film clip he rolled at the end. Then, Alex Koll emerged. He started his set as a wizard, gave some of the best hipster impressions I’ve ever seen and also had a hilarious physical gag near the end of his set—which I don’t want to spoil if you’ve never seen him live. It’s very Prestige like, which makes me think he may not have been lying about being a wizard comic after all. Tig Notaro was the headliner. Her delivery is ridiculous. She really knows how to time her delivery to mess with the audience’s expectations. Listening to her story about meeting Taylor Dayne on subsequent occasions was like attending a masterclass on comic timing and delivery. I know I’m overusing the words “delivery” and “timing” in reviewing her set, but I was really that impressed. Brilliant.
I had a good set at an open mic tonight, and afterwards the host offered me a spot at a show at the Laugh Lounge next month. It would give me the chance to perform at a legit club, in front of a large audience, on a bill that includes a national headliner. I’d also get a free DVD of my set. Of course, the catch is that it’s a bringer show.
I’ve heard a lot of comics on the alt scene warn away from bringer shows and I’ve heard others describe them as a necessary evil. I’m really torn and don’t want to be taken advantage of. However, I only need to bring 5 people and they aren’t going to charge me for my DVD. I also make 1/3 of my ticket sales back. I have had friends ask a lot lately about seeing me perform, but I hate begging for help. I’m really torn, but I think I’m going to say yes. Even if it blows up in my face, it’ll be a learning experience, right?
“‘Oh, it’s always the same,’ she sighed, ‘if you want men to behave well to you, you must be beastly to them; if you treat them decently they make you suffer for it.’”—Of Human Bondage, W. Somerset Maugham (via fuckyeahliteraryquotes)